I want to spend the rest of my life trying to get out of debt with you. Q: What is the difference between a Girlfriend and a I dont know your name yet, but it must be Wi-Fi because I am feeling such a strong connection here. What did the leper say to the sex worker? Okay, go!. I think we should split up.". My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, How can I stop my addiction? But today is opposite day so it's all good, Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. Q: Why did God invent the yeast infection? Funny jokes to tell a girl you like Funny jokes to tell a girl you like. 14. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something. Pick (dirty mind joke) 21. Pauline. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer. So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France. I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand. Keep the tip. after you dump a load in it! Mary me, and I will love you forever. ", My girlfriend dumped me today saying I was too childish Hold out your hand and say, Would you be kind enough to hold this while I go out for a walk?. I'd say God Bless you, but it looks like he already did. A second good shirt. A: I just saw two zombies on a date. I think you might have something in your eye. My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Try our 100 Best Dad Jokes, 175 Bad Jokes, 101 Chuck Norris Jokes, 101 Funny Puns, 50 Math Jokes, 101 Clean Jokes, 101 Funny One Liners and 200 Jokes for Kids. Knock, knock. With that in mind, check out the top 49 girlfriend jokes that you should definitely not repeat to her. And for the main course? (function(){window.mc4wp=window.mc4wp||{listeners:[],forms:{on:function(evt,cb){window.mc4wp.listeners.push({event:evt,callback:cb});}}}})(); Drier than a jokes for when words fail you, Got a big head? That really ruined our 10 year anniversary. Oh wait, she's back. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow Apparently it's harsh to say to a cancer patient. apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby. My girlfriend said I'm horrible at fixing Appliances. Im Pauline in love with you more and more each day. Call her on the phone. Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be Norma Lee I dont say this, but I think that I am falling for you. A T-Rex told his girlfriend, I love you this much, as he stretched out his arms. I have not spoken to my wife in quite a few years. My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!" I thought, man, what a weird way to start a conversation. I just need to work out if thats my wife or my girlfriend. 2. Because Eiffel for you. Luke. My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. Forget about the butterflies. 13. My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. Harry, who? Knock, knock. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass by you again?, My doc said that I can never have arrhythmia. I thought me and my girlfriend had something. My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only had 9 toes. Frank, who? past two years. Honeydew, who? Wanda marry me? If I had a nickel for every girl I had ever seen who was as gorgeous as you are, Id have 5 cents. My girlfriend is leaving me saying I am not American enough. I hope she gets the message that we're not working out. Amish. "Awww, really?" Q: What does fucking your girlfriend and cooking an egg Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help. Olive you, and I dont care who knows it. Remember that I am always by your side. And then I realize that I am holding a pen. It was really informative. Frank you for loving me. A gummy bear! He fell in love with a pincushion. Oh wait, shes back. Me: "Fine. This article has been viewed 417,918 times. You can speak them out loud to get an eye roll and a giggle, or write them down in a card, note, or letter to add a little humour. *wink wink*. A: Your Girlfriend. Cereal. 45. I was going to propose to my girlfriend, but my dog ate the ring. I want to split up. #challenge #experiment "After all," I said, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." I love you berry much." 2 "What did the magnet say to the fridge? Funny Jokes to Tell Your Girlfriend 1 "What did one raspberry say to the other? I wanted her to be prepared for the Wurst. Been thinking about you all day. ", My girlfriend came home and told me to take off her shirt so I did You are like my asthma. Dark humor isn't for everyone. We'll be friends til we're old and senile. What can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend? My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of kill it. I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Juno, who. It Keith me, my love! Man, these effective funny love jokes are sure to warm her heart. We are in a serious relationship. Hi, I am Phillips Adam Shankman. I love it when my girlfriend says men think with their penises Thats the best Ive done so It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine. 6. My wife is getting sick of me not cleaning the coffee machine after Im done. 1) Good shirt. Because he is a keeper. Why did the donut go to the dentist? I told her she was Marriage comes with no guarantees, so if that is what you are looking for, then you are better off buying a car battery. Yesterday, for Valentines Day, I got my girlfriend some new beads for her abacus. Im a lot shorter than this in reality but Im just sitting on my billfold. My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her April 1: The only day people question whether the internet is lying to them. Honeydew. Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook. Wow, that sure is a big word for an girlfriend wild? being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary. 30. My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. I told her its unfair to make a judgement in less than a minute. I only ask because I really think that we should hook up. Yeah, I understand." I probably should've stopped when I got to her. Her: Come over. Q: What do you call your ex-girlfriend with Pms and Esp? I lost Interest in that relationship. How about doing some community work by sparing some space for the needy? Edit: Obligatory "omg so many upvotes/wow RIP my inbox lol/thanks for the gold.". Homeless. Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces. Told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. Did I tell you that the girl I have been seeing works at the zoo? My girlfriend left me because I'm too insecure My girlfriend and I broke up today Are you familiar with that tingly feeling that you get in your body when you start to develop feelings for someone? My girlfriend of 2 months told me she had a lot of abandonment issues. I must be hunting treasure because Im digging your chest. Have you ever been to the moon? (Girl no) Wow, me neither. Why dont I make the same amount of money as my male co-workers?. My girlfriend is so smart! Me: I understand. [deleted] 11 hr. If I have to explain the Latin term ad nauseum one more time. My mother asked him what line he used on me and my boyfriend replied, I just used a modem., I wish men didnt expect me to be skinny, gorgeous and sexy and then make fun of me for the effort it takes. One that is between a spouse that is deaf and a spouse that is blind. She isn't sick, I just think she can get better. From classic dad jokes to flirtatious puns and dirty innuendos, theres a joke out there for everyone. Q: What do you call a woman made out of garbage? 24. You are killing the poor thermometer!. What is the difference between love and herpes? Whos there? For starters, Im sick of your terrible jokes. Abby, who? They are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. "Good idea," I replied. I said you're starting to sound like my girlfriend. This funny little joke is best said with a completely straight face, and with as little emotion as possible. I love that our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness. With any luck, you'll see her crack a smile. My girlfriend always gets mad when I mess with her red wine Knock, knock. These cute jokes for GF will melt your heart. Have you ever been fishing before? Knock, knock. A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. I rode on, ruthlessly. Because love means nothing to them. Well she's in for a shock. Im like a Rubiks cube. When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday. After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Whos there? I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. 3. What rhymes with kick? Eyesore do love you a lot. These sick jokes really are sick! As they were leaving the courtroom, the bride said to the groom, Isnt it nice to be here when were not being convicted of something?. Little did I know that I should have asked for a jury too. 4. He says, Daughter, are you here? The woman was hungry for love and had no idea where her next male was coming from. One-liners make them easy to remember and seamless to drop in conversations and cards. But your presence is sure proving him wrong!. I told her to close the door on her way back in. I sure hope lady, that you know CPR, cos you are taking my breath away!. Whos there? Never laugh at your significant others choices because you happen to be one of them. My girlfriend's a pornstar. My girlfriend left me because I kept pretending to be a transformer Must be the high Mercury content.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_2',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_3',660,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_4',660,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_5',660,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_3');.banner-1-multi-660{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. you are astounding me. Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. You remind me of a magnet because you sure are attracting me! really ruined our 10th anniversary. What did one volcano say to the other volcano? You don't need keys to drive me crazy. Honeydew you know how much I love you? What is the main difference between love and marriage? Im American, and Im sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.. Q: What should you give a man who has everything? Always walking around like they rent the place. Well, the second blonde chimed in, Theres usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick.. She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?". Whos there? Then we'll be new friends. Being in love is a lot like central heating in your home. Tulips." 5 "Never date an apostrophe. [1]Worst Jokes Ever Girlfriend Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_8741_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_8741_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[2]Jokes 4 Us Girlfriend Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_8741_1_2').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_8741_1_2', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }). I think I am gonna buy a Polar Bear. (Girl why?) Im so sick of people saying stealing is wrong. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? When I am with you, I feel the whole zoo. I always like to let my wife know who the boss is in this house. She sounds just like my wife. Weve put together a list of funny, charming jokes you can text or tell your girlfriend that are sure to make her laugh. I think Im Pauline in love with you. My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. Big hands. A: So men will talk to them. 15. After a few minutes, he decided to ask them, Excuse me, what are you ladies doing?. 1. 22. Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN. Ill give you a kiss and f you dont like it, you can return it. Both are already taken. Knock, knock. She fits into your wifes clothes. Liquor in the front and poker in the back. You never know if you might need them to finish a sentence. But for the life of me, I don't know how to tell her. It was love at first bite! 4. Then it was the husbands turn to make a wish. Whos there? Hold onto your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job. "You weren't even listening to me just now, were you?" I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend. Knock, knock. like carrots!. We have now kissed and hopefully well start dating!". ", "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative". denver museum of nature and science prehistoric journey. What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor? And I do that by holding a mirror up to her face. Love is getting mad at someone, telling that person to go to hell, and hoping that they get there safely. ex-girlfriend! I am getting sick and tired of gravity It's always bringing me down! [What?]. It was really informative. Whos there? plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, im stuck here holding my rod. Does anyone know what "ternative" mean? My girlfriend complains a lot that I dont smile anymore. He wipes his ass. He gave her a ring. Things like, my job, my phone number and my address. 42. I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her. My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike. I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her Whos there? Am I cute enough yet or do you need more of those vodkas?. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 417,918 times.

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